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NOVEMBER 12, 1993 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

B-7

FROM THE HART

Don't assume transgendered people are always gay

Advice on love, relationships, sex and other issues relevant to sexual minorities

Dear Taylor,

by Taylor Hart

I am a 35 year old transsexual (male to female). Though I was once a man, I am now a woman. My birth certificate and my driver's license both show my gender to be female. I am very comfortable with my identity and my choice to make this drastic change. Having my sex change, more than 10 years ago, was the best decision I have ever made.

The problem I face, however, is other people's failure to recognize me as a female. I am a barmaid in a gay bar. Because they know I was once a man, customers are always referring to me as "he." I am not a "he"! I am a "she"! The fact that I was once a "he" is irrelevant! As I've already stated, I am now legally recognized as a woman.

Another mistake my customers often make is that they insist that I am gay. I am not gay! A woman who is romantically or sexually attracted to men is straight. I am a woman. I am attracted to men. Therefore, I am straight or heterosexual. Being gay and being transgendered are two separate issues. Even though I once had a man's body, I was always a woman on the inside. Because of this I have always been a woman. Since I have always been a woman and I have always been attracted to men, I have always been a heterosexual. I have never been gay.

Even though I have explained this to them, in terms they seem to understand, many of my customers still insist on labeling me as “gay” or "he. "I know that people make mistakes, but often it is obvious that they are doing it deliberately, This lack of acceptance really

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hurts inside. Why can't they just accept me for what I am? Being members of a sexual minority themselves, one would think that they would try to be more sensitive regarding my feelings about my sexuality and gender. How can I better educate people about who and what I am?

Troubled Transsexual in Tennessee

Dear T.T.T.,

Thousands of people will read your letter in my column and will be better educated because of it. You have explained the difference between gay and transgendered people more clearly than I ever could have done. You sound as if you really have your head together.

Unfortunately there will always be bigots who refuse to accept anyone who is different from themselves. Many of them assume that their experiences are your experiences. These are narrow minded idiots who do not deserve your attention. Remember, you don't have to tell anyone that you are transgendered. Especially your clients in your place of business. Your sexuality is not an appropriate topic of discussion at work, even if you work in a gay bar. Try to keep your work and your personal issues separate. Your job is to sell drinks and collect money. You owe no one any explanation at all! There is a time and place for everything and it seems to me the bar would be an almost impossible setting for such a serious discussion.

If you still feel the need to better educate people on the topic of transsexuality, I suggest contacting your local gay and lesbian community center and discuss with them the need to get your message across. Perhaps they can direct you into a program that will provide you with the proper forum. Good luck!

...So then Taylor said to just tell her you like to be spanked.

"Well it worked, and now our relationship is just ducky thanks

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to Taylor's 'From The Hart' column in the Gay People's Chronicle.”

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